I had a completely different post lined up for today (crazy busy again last week), but this morning I was overwhelmed by this low-key power struggle that plays in the back of my mind. You see, it’s been confirmed by others that I’m more self-aware than most. Typically, I can separate my feelings and the truth and identify my own logical fallacies; key word is ‘typically’. However, this is by no means a redeeming quality if I don’t do anything with the knowledge I have, which just so happens to be where I am now. 

I have this totally lopsided thinking that is deeply influencing things. I’d like to think that I’m usually focused on the big picture and carefully weighing how today’s decisions will affect me further down the road. But I’ve become so short sighted lately. Partly because I see that I can’t predict the future as well as I thought I could. That one road that ‘should’ lead to such and such destination may make sense, but it won’t inevitably lead me there.

I now get to take a breather and see that only thinking one step ahead isn’t as big of a no-no that I thought. I need faith in who I’m following, not my own understanding (there’s a bible verse in there). I always considered it foolish not to think into the future with everything, but my forward thinking, in some cases, only lead me in the direction of where I thought I wanted to go. I didn’t leave much room for the uncontrollable variables.

So I guess this is a proclamation that I have a goal of downsizing my thinking because as great as it is to have a vision of where you want to get to, it’s not much help if you don’t have a clear view of where you are. That whole “tomorrow isn’t promised” is true, but even truer is that tomorrow doesn’t always follow logic. I’ve made some good decisions that didn’t bring the desired results and some bad decisions that benefited me in the end. It’s not a claim to live recklessly, but to understand that it’s impossible to avoid recklessness all together because we live in a world that is exactly that.

There is a balance that benefits us all and its wisdom and experience that will shed light on what that balance is. 

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