The thing about setting any type of goal is that, by nature, it requires you to be proactive. In response to writing, I’ve found it really annoying that I’m somehow always surprised when creativity doesn’t find me on a weekly basis. I wait until the last minute, metaphorically looking at my watch thinking “well she’s late again”. What I can say however, is that I earn these words every time. They didn’t drop out of the sky begging to be expressed. They’re sought after with much dedication and effort and even then, they’re still a gift. This giver…
Well, she (yes, she) is beautiful of course, but in the most understated ways. She prefers comfort over flash and simple over extravagant. But she knows how to drive you crazy. She’s been standing me up for a long time. I used to leave those meetings feeling unworthy and disappointed, but recently I’ve taken another approach. Instead of leaving alone, I go to her and I make myself listen because I know she’s always got something to say. It’s not about what I want to hear. It’s not about what gets the most views. Sometimes I’ll knock on her door and she’s ready to tell me her story, but sometimes I need to remind her that she has one.
She truly is a real person. She has her ups and her downs. Sometimes she’ll make a promise to show up but when the time comes, she’d rather do anything else. She’s fickle and faithful. She’s needy and independent. She cannot simply be turned on and off. She’s not a pet; only here for a snuggle when I need one in exchange for food and shelter. She expects more if I’m demanding the most.
Our relationship requires attention and commitment. It’s unfair of me to only ring her when I have a deadline or I’m bored. It’s unfair of me to expect her to give me 100% but only within 15 minutes I set aside time to listen. It’s unfair of me to expect adventure when I’m not willing to venture.
I played the victim when she wouldn’t show up, completely oblivious to the times I’ve neglected her call. She is my wisdom who makes sense of the things that perplex me. She is my hellion who blurs stagnant boundaries just to make things more interesting. She is my confidant who listens as much as she speaks.
My muse, not one to be outdone, inadequate, underestimated, or overworked. My muse.