So far, this year’s posts have unintentionally been geared towards gaining healthy perspective. A prominent focus for me has been to reintroduce myself to consistent and relevant writing. With that in mind, I asked myself two questions yesterday in hopes that they’d get my creative juices flowing for this week: What do you want? and Why?

Analyzing is something that comes naturally to me, so I figured this should be an easy feat. And yet, I find myself uninspired by those questions because the answer isn’t so simple and maybe that should be what I examine instead. If I don’t know what I want, then why do I want? I definitely have plenty of longing, but when I sit and look at it, I mean really dissect it, the trail goes cold pretty quickly. There’s no direct route to my heart or mind.

Sure, I could easily come up with a list of things that would be great to have (material and other), but I can just as easily rationalize how none of those things are what I authentically desire. Truly, they are all simply means to an end, an end that I wouldn’t recognize if I ever arrived. It goes back to my previous post of finding comfort in not knowing. In fact, I think they share a more profound relationship than it seems.

Hear me out: If my sincerest answers to the questions What do I want and Why are I don’t know, then that should stop me in my tracks. That should provoke me to investigate the checklist of things that I’m pursuing. That should lead me to ask whether I created this list or if it was given to me.

Can I proudly declare that I’m giving my all to gain this, this, and this and then come up blank when asked why? Am I the only one that finds that insane!? Yes, there are absolutely basic human needs, but really? How many of us are still working on that list? Most of us are blessed to have moved on to the option of personalizing ambitions, yet somehow we coincidentally all came up with eerily identical pursuits? Hmm. We’re encouraged to be ourselves in theory, but instructed to follow the status quo in practice.

Not being able to quickly and precisely answer these questions is troublesome on the face of it, but surely, if I’m willing to put forth the effort to find my answer and not the answer (two very different things) it will save time, energy, and heart. Blow your own mind and ask yourself these questions. Let yourself really probe instead of just settling for the first explanation supplied. Aren’t you curious?