‘Tis the season to reflect.  Though many many great things happened in 2015, it’s not exactly on my Favorite Year list. However, it practically tops the Holy Crap, I’ve Learned So Much This Year list.

So let’s see what we’ve got, shall we?

  1. Confession is a step forward on the path to change, but that one act of courageous surrender does little if it’s the only step you take. The hardest part of my journey since my confession in April has not been backsliding, but giving up the fight to get past it, avoiding what it’s left behind, and being complacent with a half-win.
  2. Bringing something new into your life often means stepping away from something else (good or bad). In my case, it’s been good. In order to invest, grow, and connect where I am now, I had to step away from a lot of familiar places and activities.
  3. You don’t grow based on what you know. Implementation is everything. Anyone can tell you I like to think about things and I’ve got a gift for figuring things out. It’s a blessing overall, but this year, that habit held me back so much. I sought to figure it all out. I’m JUST NOW putting more effort into moving forward and tackling things as they come rather than trying to identify what’s waiting around the corner.
  4. You have to give people a chance to know you to love you. One of the biggest things holding me back from confessing my struggle was the fact that I didn’t want people to treat me differently. In my mind, I made the decision for them that they wouldn’t love me through it. However, the reality I’m seeing is the exact opposite of that. The criticism that I created in my imagination hasn’t made an appearance in my reality.
  5. Fun & adventure are not the enemy, but they should never be the goal. I have a lot of good memories from this year and very few of them were hunted down. I started chasing after something more important and the fun and adventure were unexpected passengers along for the ride.
  6. {Insert whatever here} doesn’t have to be in vain. It can be hidden or employed. I cannot believe the difference in how readily and openly I’m ready to talk about my struggle with porn. There’s still a little hesitation due to the sensitive nature and the “is now the right time?” and all that, but now it’s always at the tip of my tongue. I’m ready to say that it is my was and though a part of it lingers in my is I’ve made a decision to put it to work for God’s glory and my good (which are the same thing, by the way).
  7. Sin runs far deeper than you’ll ever see on the surface. Oh. Em. Gee. I can’t stress this enough. I’m still shocked and saddened regularly by the things that I wrestle with now. Things I didn’t realize were a package deal. A lot of good, great, amazing things happened this year, but this… “lucky #7” are what made this year so hard. The truth is, this was riding my back, weighing me down in every good memory, and magnifying every bad one.
  8. Not everyone who tries to walk beside you is going the same way. Another sad reality. I’d ‘met’ someone who struggled with porn thru my blog post and we talked and I was so excited, so happy to have the chance to speak life to this person and tell them there’s a way out. Unfortunately, it became clear that their intent instead was to pull me back in and to take it further. Sucks for sure, but in that situation I found my confidence to tell them “NO” as well as my compassion to tell them “there’s better for you.”

So 2015, Thank you and goodnight.


By the way, if you’re wondering what in the world I’m talking about with the confession and addiction in all, here’s the killer and his cronies: