Another update except this one is a lot less sowing and a lot more reaping. You know, the kind that actually makes someone feel good ūüôā I know the last few posts have been about the stretch, but I’m happy to report on the flexibility that’s followed.

On April 17 I posted a blog that I was very hesitant (and am still a little sick about) to share. ¬†It was about how I’d lost many battles to sexual purity without the physical deed itself. ¬†Basically, I now have a¬†better¬†understanding that physical purity means little when you’ve mentally been drowning in filth.¬†For years in walking with Christ, it’s¬†been the¬†one thing that would always be locked up in the¬†“Do Not Touch, God” part of my life. It’s hard to really explain¬†why exactly, but I guess I always felt like I’d need that sin to get by¬†again¬†at some point in my life. I didn’t want to let it go¬†in fear of not having it replaced.

After posting¬†nothing super amazing¬†happened right away;¬†I experienced¬†internal freedom by public confession¬†and honestly, that was more than enough for me. It wasn’t until May 14th that I was confronted with it again by a loved one, the only loved one I’d literally prayed wouldn’t read it, for fear of it shattering the image they had of me. An¬†unexpected phone call came that night and I had one of the most open and honest conversations I think I’ve ever had with this person and about my freaking struggles with sexual purity!¬†Really weird¬†and¬†tt wasn’t even awkward, at least for me. During the conversation I remember thinking, “Shouldn’t this be going differently? Like worse maybe?”¬†But it was a great conversation…. still sounds so odd saying that.

That’s¬†just the first thing.

Next up¬†that same night, literally minutes after that conversation, I ran into a friend and I was so thrown off by the encounter I’d just had that I told¬†her about it. I wasn’t¬†really trying to confess any deep hidden secrets, really I was just in desperate need to talk it out so I could properly process it. But then she felt¬†lead to share her heart.¬†SHE confessed something that had been weighing on her for what she says was too long. ¬†(Did I mention that I was her Bible study leader for years? No?) Anyway, that was more than enough to prove that whole “God works in mysterious ways” thing.

But¬†then…!

Last night, in just hanging out¬†with a friend, I started to feel the impression “Tell her” and I was like, “Seriously, God? We’re not done with this whole thing?” And a response, a little more faint, said “Nope, we’re just getting started. You should¬†get used to this.” So basically that was a enough to give me¬†heart palpitations and the statement was so loaded and I didn’t¬†want to step on that landmine so I just told her. Once again there was no effortless transition or anything. ¬†In fact, I think I somewhat awkwardly shouted, “God wants me to tell you something” which is bad enough and¬†I promise that’s¬†not usually how I operate.

Enough about me: with¬†this particular confession to this person, it also carried a confession of a lie, so needless to say, it was not something I was excited to do. However,¬†I can say it¬†was easier than every other time before. With each revival of admittance, it’s carried¬†more weight. The testimony comes packing; with more God, I’m guessing.

Anyway, in response, she told me that she’d been withholding something from a loved one and that she wanted to come clean, but was worried about them looking at her differently. ¬†I tried to encourage her to air it all out hoping that the outcome of my experience would encourage her.¬†I guess it did because earlier today she told me she had the talk she was avoiding and disclosed everything. Not sure what the outcome was and I don’t need to know,¬†just the fact that she was encouraged enough to take the chance means everything.

I posted 1 month ago. God let is simmer and for the most part I forgot. Then “all of a sudden, within less than a week¬†all of this has happened.¬†Are you processing this? If God had given me even a glimpse of what that post would initiate in my relationships, I would have quickly, selfishly, and disobediently said no. ¬†I’m not even gonna lie. But in doing something that freed me and sharing it honestly with others, not attempting to look good but to glorify, I have witnessed the redeeming, restoring power of testimony. And let me be completely¬†honest. ¬†Not matter how much you like my writing, I promise¬†the verbal communication is not as smooth so there is no denying that the only reason it’s made an impact is God. It’s about giving all¬†of your story over for the glory of God. Not every response is going to be positive, I’m sure, but if this is what testimony¬†can do, I have a feeling I’m going to get a lot of practice retelling my part in God’s story.

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