Hey Simone,

Man, you’ve been through a lot thus far. Lately you’ve been in an extended season of seeing people you really care about come and go.  Although you’re starting to understand that that’s what life is about (you can’t fit everyone from your past and everyone from your future into your present), I’m hoping by now that knowing that truth makes it a little easier to figure out when it’s time to let go and when it’s time to defend what’s yours.

I’m so proud of you no matter where you are and what you’re doing.  If you’re in a pit right now, get up.  You have gone through WAYYYYYY too much to stay down.  I don’t know anyone who is stronger than us and that’s not cockiness, you know as well as I do that it’s the truth.  You’ve successfully survived things that you would wish on no other person.  Use it for that very reason, so that no one else will have to do what we did or be where we were.

I’m changing so I know you’ve changed. Some people don’t like that and that’s ok.  There will be no hate or animosity brewing in me to have hardened your heart.  We’re so passionate and sometimes it’s tempting to sever that side of us because though it brings life, it brings much pain.  Don’t do it.  I’ve seen what happens to people who do and it’s a fate we can’t inflict upon ourselves.

I’m sorry for the consequences you’re facing for my mistakes and you’re welcome for the benefits you’re reaping because of what I’ve done right. You’ve learned what it really means to love someone.  Yes, you’ve been wildly attracted and compatible with people, but we understand that you really do choose to love another person.  It’s kind of freeing and terrifying, but some pretty good things have happened because of it.  Don’t let these unexpected outcomes that I’m dealing with scare you away from the opportunities you have.  I want you to have the things I don’t.

There are some things about yourself that you used to (PAST TENSE) wrestle with that there’s no need to fight off anymore.  There are some aspects about who we are that we can change for the better (habits), but there are some things that are building blocks that cannot be taken away without destroying the fundamental being of us.  You don’t have to avoid those things or try to hide them from other people.  Everyone has their own and if they’re worried about yours, then let them worry alone.

I know I’ve gone back and forth between loving and hating this pattern that our life has had recently, but I hope you realize that despite all the little kinks and knots, it’s really actually been very good.  I’m pretty sure you’ve seen some things that I wish you could warn me about (and I wish you could too), but all I ask is that you make all of this worth it.  Don’t let what I’ve got now be the best that we’ll ever have.  Keep my promise to you that there are better days ahead.

I love you Simone.  I choose to love us, the good and the bad because when it’s all mixed up together, it’s still pretty good 🙂 We have to stick together.  No warring with each other.  Don’t look back at me with hate.  And don’t look back at me and romanticize what I have.  The best days I have are the ones I’m living and I’ve lived up all these days so go live the ones you’ve got.

One with you,