What is a mid-life crisis or a quarter-life crisis if it’s not an alarm, a panic signal begging for some kind of change. First it starts off as an ache, not unbearable but very irritating. Neglect it long enough and it will fade. You think you’ve reached another level of maturity when in reality you’ve only added another level of repression.
But don’t worry, it’ll return with a vengeance that’s typically signified by potent rebellion with a twist of angst. Of course, this usually leads to some sort of resolution to be correct what’s been wronged, but sadly usually ends, once again, in neglect.
“To live with complete abandon is reckless and irresponsible.” But dear, to live without vigor is careless and unfortunate. Yes, there are things needed of us, but in truth we sacrifice to comply not to sustain.
The liberty that you know you want is not from what’s asked of you, but from what you’ve required from yourself. We can yell and argue for our own justice all we want, but will never be satisfied because no one can give us what they don’t have. I want to be me and I can’t get that from anyone else.
I can protest, I can bully, I can party, I can drink, I can lie, I can kill. I can give, I can sing, I can feed, I can lead, I can teach, I can build. Honey, no matter how bad I attempt to make others feel or how good I make myself feel, feelings dissolve. Every time it goes, I’m left with my starting point and I want to start here.
You don’t stalk or obtain freedom. It’s not a noun to seek but a verb to be. I’m freer now than I will ever be. Not because I don’t have bills, not because I live on my own, not because I have my dream job, not because I have the perfect spouse. I’m freer now simply because I realize I’m free now.