After quite a few changes in my life recently, I HAD to repost this as a reminder to myself, but hopefully as a reminder to others who are going through the same thing. I’ve recently become very serious about relationships and what is a non-negotiable and what is just a want (not a need). Numero uno on my list of ‘has to be’ is a Christian. Not a person who simply believes in God, not a person who just goes to church every Sunday, not a person who owns a Bible, but doesn’t read it. But a person who is trying to follow God, has surrendered their life to Christ, and isn’t trying to look perfect to the outside.
I was talking to a friend of mine about dating recently, which is how this whole subject came up. She’s not a Christian, but we get along and think alike in many ways. When I told her I would never date a non-Christian, she initially didn’t like that answer and I can understand why. It sounds really bad if you don’t know the reasons behind it. I thought I’d take this opportunity to explain my (and maybe a lot of others’) reasoning why I have no problem being friends with people who do not follow Christ, but will not pursue a romantic relationship with a person who doesn’t.
*I would just like to say that I do not particularly enjoy this living this out, but I know it’s for the greater good. I’d like to compare it to the feeling of being on a diet. You don’t do it because it’s fun or you enjoy the experience, you do it because you know no matter how uncomfortable it is, you’re after a worthy end goal.*
My faith is not just a religion to me. It is the way I live and how I operate. It’s the foundation of my life and everything I do revolves around it. 2 people can commit to different ways of living and beliefs without ever offending or disrupting the other’s faith… friendship. This is why I like having friends who think differently. We don’t learn if we all think the same. That’s not godly in and of itself.
I will not date someone who I know I’ll never want to marry. I know that you never really know whether or not a person is a good match until you date them, but there are some people you know right off the bat aren’t gonna be in your future so why give such a huge chunk of your present. No, that doesn’t mean that I will never talk to you, just means we aren’t gonna be dating. I got from great advise from my teacher when I was 16: Never date someone you know you’ll never want to marry. You tend to develop deeper feelings than you gambled for when you open yourself up to a romantic relationship.
When we commit to the relationship we are still 2 separate people, but we’re creating 1 relationship. All relationships have foundations. If we’re both bringing our foundation in God together, we’re combining. If we’re bringing two separate foundations together, we’re left with the task of compromising. Nothing is wrong with compromise; I think is necessary in certain situations, but not when getting into a relationship. I’m not compromising anything that God’s put in my heart and it would be unfair of me to ask my potential mate to give up his in exchange. Anything sacrificed for the other person is the other’s decision.
As a couple who’ve vowed to spend the rest of our lives together, we’re pretty much going to be each other’s cheerleader. I want him to help me in my personal walk with God and I want to help him in his personal walk with God as well. Although, a husband who doesn’t believe the same thing may support my beliefs, unless he’s in the same walk himself, he can’t help me. In the same way, I want to be able to fully put my support behind him, and I can’t fully support a worldly walk. I can merely tolerate it and that’s now the wife I want to be. The way I go about all those things come from God and my relationship with Him. Therefore, for us to agree on those things, God will have had to put those same desires in his heart. If he has no relationship with God, how is that possible? When things get difficult (and they will) me vs. him and us vs. everything else, we’ll both be consulting the same source of direction and although our methods of handling the situation may be different, our end goal will be the same.
Humans were created to worship something. We worship work, money, fame, talent, fantasies, etc. I don’t want to be worshiped because I’ll only disappoint him, but I also don’t want to be placed behind any of these material or worldly things either. I’m not gonna lie, I like attention and I will not spend my life trying to compete with his other idols. The only ONLY thing I will happily and respectfully follow behind in my boyfriend/spouse/husband’s worship is God. The reason for that is because since I also love and worship God, I personally know who my husband is devoting his life to before me. I know for a fact that our God will lead him to a healthy, long-lasting, real relationship with me.
Last but not least, I will not date a non-Christian because I’m crazy. Seriously, I’m like a friggin’ 1,000-piece jigsaw puzzle. And I didn’t come with a picture on the box cover. And I don’t have any end pieces. And all the pieces are blue. I’m just sayin’. If a guy doesn’t have the patience and love of God in him, I wouldn’t even ask him to try to handle me.
It’s a tall order for anyone, which is why I would never ask anyone who hasn’t been led by God, to do any of those things. So, my reason for not dating non-Christians, has absolutely nothing to do with exclusivity or me being above them. It has to do with being confident in what will and will not work in the future. We both deserve a good shot at a healthy, long-lasting, enjoyable, realistic relationship. If we’re going to have that, the Christian (me) and the non-Christian (him, whoever he may be) must realize those chances are not strong with each other.