With Love

…And I tried to say the right thing, I really did.

I searched far and wide to find where you hid.

I only stopped because I realize I can’t save you

My constant pursuit only fuel the destructive things you do

I’m not strong enough to be your hero, a damsel in distress

The closer I get, the more you hunger for pity in your mess

My heart aches for you to stand up and take some control

To stop trying to fit all these square pegs in your circle role

My love I am your support not your enforcer

And when you climb out of your grave I’ll be your endorser

I stand above reaching down to help you up

But if you expect me to stoop, you’ll have no such luck

I cannot sacrifice myself to join your company, or lack thereof

For myself and for you, I say this with love

 

Still

My smile has found a way to be sincere even when I see pain in all I hold dear

Life still has meaning far beyond my heartbeat despite the numerous traps laid at my feet

Rain still to cleanse the wounds that come from fighting even when we’re dodging lightning

Sons and daughters can still have peace though our generation is at war with everyone we meet

Nothing is gone until we give it away and living will bow to what you say

I Am

It should always be sobering when someone’s life ends

Whether it’s  from old age, or something a little less natural, or at the hands of someone a little more human

Whether you know their name and whether they know yours

The truth that we seem to know, but never quite comprehend, is that as of right now we are all an ‘is’

But quite literally, in an instant we will all become a ‘was’

Maybe a lot of people will remember what our ‘is’ was

And we hope that there will only be sincerity in joy in reactions to what our ‘was’ is

In life, who we were is very rarely identical to who we are

But there comes a point when there is no longer development to who we are

When all there is of you and me is who we were

This ‘are’ will inevitably become a ‘were’

No matter how much planning and dreaming and preparing we do, it will all become past tense

Just as I will be… just as you will be

I don’t want to become a ‘was’ that was never worth being an ‘is’

The only way to understand that is to grasp and take responsibility for who I am

Within the Angst

Angst has never quite been my thing, but sometimes a few disgruntled tides hit the shore

Not a place I make myself comfortable, but a visit every now and then is inevitable

Despite how quickly I catch myself, sometimes I still get caught up in the discontent

I try not to start any wars or disturb any harmony during my stay

But sometimes I give in to the most human state I can muster

I cry for entitlement, I hunt for justice, and I drown in self-pity

However, I always find I’ve gained not a thing, but have surrendered so much

The tears and the anxiety are only worth their source

And when they come from my hostility and they produce the same

Oh man, it’s so familiar yet so strange to feel this way

When everything is better than it should be and I still find a way to complain

The worst part is that realization only carries me further along the path

Frustrated with myself for letting it get this far, for growing roots in this place